i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
is wine microwaveable?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
