Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
