my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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