That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
