the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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