tonight lets celebrate not being married
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
