There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
