I feel great
I just peed on a car
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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