I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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