yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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