i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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