i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs