i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!