on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.