i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius