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sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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