i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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