i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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