She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
