Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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