So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need a shit load of segways right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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