I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
