Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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