My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
