i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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