somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
