The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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