I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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