the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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