my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize