70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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