I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pray to the hookup gods
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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