Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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