whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
