Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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