Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
where does the pee come out of this thing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
