I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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