Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
