She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
