Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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