now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
