she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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