so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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