Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
