I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
