In the future we'll all be gay
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.