I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.