Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize