I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there