he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof