I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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