I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
