I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
