Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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