Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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