you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize