Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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