She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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