I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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